My eyes aren’t getting any better I am getting dizzy spells my hands and feet are getting numb as soon as I try to sleep my head isnt stable . Most doctors are pretty useless in this shithole country . They will hand out anxiety pills as candies . But no one would actually try to diagnose the problem . It seems like I have anxiety but it’s not the imbalance is real . The insomnia is real . I have oscillopsia developed with dry eyes . I continue to work for a blood sucking company and I know I am slowly dying . My mom is 70 years old she barely understands anything . She can’t understand what problem I have . You Keep telling people you have these problems and they are just like meh . .. I don’t have many friends as well . Barely 1 or 3 . Even with them I don’t talk much . I am scared . Scared for my life . I don’t want to die . But if these things are going to continue like that . I would prefer fyi g or ending my life . I didn’t wanted this . I didn’t opted for this. I am Sick of all these illnesses . The incompetent doctors that aren’t able to find anything . I didn’t chose to be in this country . Why was I punished like this . I never wanted to hurt anybody . I just wanted to ask God. If you want to kill me just do it . Don’t play all these games . I am Sick of this unempathetic world . I want all of these recorded so after I die all this remains here . Forever . And please don’t bother to read . I have no expectations anyways
It’s 3 am in here . After numerous failed attempt to speak to someone who will just bother to listen
.my quest has come to a halt . Perhaps I have made my peace with an unempathetic world .
Unempathetic isn’t a word .I made it right now just for my sake .
To let my feelings through . Is there anyone in this day and age who is willing to sacrifice a fragment of second just to listen to someone .
Well I don’t think so . I used to think we are civilized mature beings . But we haven’t actually evolved from the age of barbarianism .
The only difference is our medival thinking is shadowed by the concrete buildings . Every single person wants to trample over the other being to have a comfortable live . We are populating like roaches eating away the planet that shelters us . And yet we get our share of troubles eventually .
I was just a regular guy . I just wanted to live a normal life nothing fancy nothing dreamy . I didn’t have big ambitions . I just wanted that when lie in my bed at night my sleep should be peaceful . Is that too much to ask ? Well apparently it is . It is in the place I m born . I don’t want any snowflakes on my post . Please don’t read it . I have had enough of you people. It’s just my personal story which I am willing to share with anyone who would just bother to listen . To listen how even a simplest desire is shattered into a million pieces .
As I turned 16 all hell broke loose . My beautiful life was sucked into a vacuum of a stupid rat race . In a population of a billion people you really don’t have much choice . It’s the fight of sperms . Where over a billion fight and only one survives . And it wouldn’t be wrong of me to compare such a scenario with my beloved society . Your passions your conscience all are slowly hanged in an oak tree . A show for millions to watch . U live your life like a zombie . A zombie that stares into a computer for 9 hours just to prevent its stomach from going crazy . You don’t build anything you don’t observe anything . You just do as said . And the society takes pride in it . I should have had ran away when I had the chance . Am I already dead . Is death more worse than what I am living right now . I keep screaming and screaming inside my heart out . And yet even the echo doesn’t seem to return . I live in a place that kills dreams kills aspirations . And is a hell with 1 billion people and heaven for only 100 of them . So a zombie should be immune to all bodily defects right . Yet you are wrong . It’s not the case . This zombie has developed dancing eyes that are without tears . And most probably will fail in future . And yet even after knowing that fact this zombie can’t stop it’s work . He expects the nickel he earns will save him from damnation . . . Well sometimes I wish I had some kind of reset . A reset that I could press and run away from this hellhole . Away from these scared incompetent beings . For my situation I know only I am to blame . God please forgive me for I have wasted your gift of life . 🙏
It’s been a long while since I stopped writing . I always yearned to write . Wanted to come up with interesting topics or exotic words that would validate me as a writer . I am quite confused on actually what is a writer. Is it like putting your thoughts on paper or creating something that would attract readers . Who knows. But after searching for right answers . I couldn’t find anything . Alas the moment came today when I held my pen on the paper thinking to write just something or anything. And then answer regarding what is a writer dawned on me . Maybe that won’t be a precise definition for each individual but for me this meaning that I came up with serves it’s purpose . Writing is something that opens me up that perhaps I won’t say to anyone not even me. This search of thoughts into my soul makes me know myself a little better than I knew before holding the pen.
One fine day 2yrs earlier . While sitting on the chair in the terrace. I was quite in awe with the coastal winds. Though it was winter the winds continued to blow on my face. I wasn’t close to the beach but surprisingly I could hear the sounds of tides In my ears. It was beautiful. Closing my eyes I surrendered myself to the utmost laziness combined with peace. I didn’t had any thought in my mind. No concern, No worries. A time that I cherish a lot.
But Since peace is even more rare than Fullerene (pay attention in chemistry class)
I couldn’t have it for much longer. This situation that occurred with me could be assumed as silly or grave depending upon the reader. I always like caressing my hair. Coz I got a lot of it! Or had.
Only this time I noticed something less than the usual fluffiness. But didn’t pay any attention. Days later I did again checked and suddenly it hit me. “Shit I am loosing it” . And an unimaginable extent of fear grew.
Something I couldn’t believe in because my genes suggested otherwise. But it was certain that something was obviously wrong.
And following the aftermath the hunt started with the Google gun. How stop it or what are the ways. I continue my search changing phrases differently.
My head was exploding with screams
“I will be ridiculed my whole life”
“I will never look the same again”
“Watching back to back Vin diesel and Dwayne Johnson movies won’t help me in preparing for the apocalypse”
So I went into sick sad mode for a week I guess. It was devastating for me.
But it’s not like I was bald or anything. I had more hair than a Tibetan mastiff. But still I knew something is coming
But soon the concern passed away. And things got normal. I knew something is going on but didn’t paid attention to it.
Days passed. The fear receded so does the hairline. It’s always the case once you get afraid of something beyond a point it doesn’t scare you anymore.
It did scare me( when I came to realize that I have three years at max).
Whenever you are at peace with yourself this one thing always happens (There was this girl, on a lighter note that is 🙂 ).
I won’t go into the details on how people start dating or chatting. Coz all of us are quite aware of that.
Though I liked her a lot but couldn’t get open with her. After a long period she told me. She liked me too. But we couldn’t meet due to time commitments.
In my heart I knew. May that be existent or non existent. That I can’t slide the fact of a receding hairline.
“Something came to my mind right now”
People seem to term it as love but it’s only attraction because we always showcase our strengths to attract like job interviews.
Love is when you could be open about your weaknesses. Without being afraid of getting shamed. And that’s too is rare.
So I pulled myself out of the arrangement. Because being in shadow of doubt is proving to be very difficult. I still miss her though. But I’m not under the shadow anymore
Selecting a title before writing a story is the same thing as choosing a career before experiencing it. And not to be surprised both don’t work so well.
Since I was in school I was told and taught by a lot of elders everywhere not just in my home that pursuing a certain field shall render a lot of great opportunities for me, but umm no. Something’s wrong in that statement. What they told me is that I will be settled. And I never bothered to think about what is being settled actually means. And do I want it.
Here I am not being specific about the career because I know most of us can relate that what it is. Well the society commanded and I read and read and read. And with time I developed two beautiful fins. Amazing looking fins and I was ready to take off and fly into the sky. And it was my final exams or you can say the fortune teller paper of three hours that is gonna predict my whole life. Though it didn’t ask me to write down my sunshine while fulfilling columns of name, birth etc. And that kept me thinking why not?
So I took the flight.
I flapped my fins and made a run. Dreams of being a hawk someday cheered me up. I did the hard work and now it was time to conquer the endless skies.
As you have probably guessed. I crashed and I crashed. With bruises, cuts, wounds deep enough. There was blood all over. I was so confused, perplexed and in pain. I thought what went wrong and I looked at my fins. Again and Again I said why this has happened to me.
I asked around looking at the faces around me. And the faces replied that I didn’t work hard enough. I don’t have what it takes. I was sad. Damming my self for not working hard enough for not being good enough.
I lied in my roof and as I watched the skies Looking at the hawks flying in it. I felt like I was choking. Couldn’t breathe anymore. Felt like suffocating. It became tough to breathe within seconds. I don’t know what I had to do. So as my instinct played out and I took a dive back into the water and I was again able to breathe deeply and I was looking at the vast ocean.
The beautiful plants, rocks, animals, jelly fish, the mighty whales, sharks and all of them, so vast and beautiful, The glittering sunlight came through the water like sparkling diamonds.
I was in love with the ocean. I wanted to be here, I felt like I belonged here. And now I know what my fins were for. They were meant to explore the waters. A world in itself.
So I thought This is what I wanna do. Great I finally figured it out. So now I took jump out of the waters and the hawks were waiting on the island. I told them guys this what I wanna do. I was so happy.
And Hawks told me “you’re going to drown”
Suddenly I was taken aback. I was confused and perplexed again. Will I drown? Won’t I be able to comeback? But I like it so much?
And now those fears planted in me during my schools came back and started to work. I was afraid to go back to the waters. Though It was time for me to go back as I was choking. But I didn’t because I was afraid. Afraid of darkness that the hawks told me about when they saw it while flying in the sky. And made me ignore the light that I saw when I was inside it.
I wanted to be a hawk again. I wanted to fly into the sky again. So where should I go to learn flying like the hawks? I thought.
So now I went and I saw some of the hawks that were teaching how to fly.
Little did I know that they were vultures who appeared like hawks. They looked at my tarnished soul and thought he’s gonna die anyway. Let’s feed on him.
I was withered tortured into death for four years. But I didn’t die. I learned and learned. And now it was time to fly. I thought I finally made it now I’m gonna be a hawk.
I flapped and started to take off.
The sky looked beautiful the air was pure
And I was there. “I made it finally” through the hard work I said to myself.
And then I crashed. Same bruises cuts and wound. Only one thing was different this time.
My fins were destroyed
And now I am lying in a sandy beach unable to go back into the water, waiting to die. Realizing that I was a whale all along not a hawk.
Earlier for some people like me Most of the time went looking at Instagram posts of random people roaming random places. though you like to see those photos but then most of the time you do feel left out because you couldn’t get time off from office to set out on trip to exotic places.
later on I realized that exploring exotic places shouldn’t be the only benchmark for travelling.sometimes there are places under the hood to be seen that we are too busy or may be ignorant to notice.
One day apparently i woke up early. it was not because of any new resolutions but due to lack of sleep.The effects of watching motovlogs all night was still revving in my mind .
so i thought to take a ride around the city where i live. but later on i drove off to the outskirts.
I put my ear chords and switched to I’m Gonna Be(500 miles)….. 😀
too bad I didn’t had Tantrum with me (HYMIM)
Well no matter what you got between those legs ..you still enjoy revving your bike
Though a 1000cc would have been nicer 😀
i was high on music… i felt like some drifter in those Harley Davidson movies I had to stop in every 0.3 miles to capture these scenes which i never known were there. I cant even name these places because i dont know what they are called.
The Road Less Traveled Or The Road Not Taken..confused between the Captions ..///
Well i do live near the beach.Not like Malibu but the beach in here is around 30 miles from where i live.
Whenever i watch those waves i see wonder how fiercely they come and how gracefully they return.
i always feel that the ocean ridicules us with those waves. establishing power and rightly so That it can submerge the whole world within seconds .remove borders in an instance..
Well i said to myself ..Good job So the weekend wasn’t a waste ! good for you..
And There Goes some more ..
Mawkdok Dympep Valley View Point
Unlike the Rest of the World If you like rainfall all round the year and not just during your occasional heartbreaks.Then Meghalaya is the place you would really like to explore.
During this summer I stumbled upon Shillong in my north east trip . though it was for a short time due to various commitments. but in that shorter time I left with longing for more of this place . keeping a vow to myself that i will again return to explore this place to my heart’s content.
Have you ever wondered how Nature has sketched these landscapes into perfection. Apart from Usual the definition of Magic.I would refer Creation as Magic.
Sunset from a Sky view point in Shillong
Well my cab driver told me to climb around 170 steps or so in the evening to reach this place and I was really tired but anyhow reached there .Now after that i can really describe what accomplishment really is 😀 that happiness was similar to that of clearing the exams after studying the last night.
One of Cleanest water I have ever seen in the East Khasi Hills.I wonder what kind of purifier is being used. Guess Kent wont like that .
Mawlynnong:-Cleanest village in Asia
Mawlynong is claimed as the cleanest village in Asia. Dont know about the cleanest but yes this place was neat. Well i am not clear on the definition of Village.But i found the houses well built and structured.
you eat,stay roam in this village for as long as you want.but yeah you must have two specific things in your wallet in abundance. That is Money and Time.
I ate pineapples 😀
Jingmaham living root bridge..
Dense forests with heavy rainfalls..with living root bridges. well i can now check Rain forests in My bucket List.
But the One Place That really won the bet was the Umngot river,Dawki
While talking what locals told me that this water is so clear that you see your face in it . well i guess…
and that bridge was said to built by the British.which is still there.
Aesthetically speaking this place is just astonishing…
Nohkalikai Falls is the tallest plunge waterfall in India. Its height is 1115 feet (340 meters). The waterfall is located near Cherrapunji, one of the wettest places on Earth.
There”s a story related to the Nohkalikai falls. DO CHECK IT OUT
Grasslands of Cherapunji which is know as the wettest place on Earth. Is a Lazy man’s Paradise. Now dont get riled up before reading. i mean this place will just make you close your eyes and lie down and just take it easy kind of feel.
And That was it of my trip yes i know i missed out on a lot of other cool places but given the time i could only complete these. Eagerly Waiting For Another Chance to go there.
Adios Shilong….Untill Next time 😀
A New venture in the winters took me to the Untouched wilderness of sikkim.
A small state in India. Which beholds immense amount of treasure that no pirate could conquer.
In the sultanate of skies where mountains serve as thrones No king has ever sat on
I reached the nearest airport from the city. I have my mind calculating the plus and minus of the trip which my peers put in my mind before starting the journey. I was calculating the time to visit each place. Money that will be spent etc.. Like a typical Indian tourist like all of us do. Then I took a vehicle to reach sikkim before evening
But I was awed that the “Stairway to heaven” was led by red carpet. In between bagdogra Airport and sikkim. There’s a stretch of highway through which it takes around 4hrs to reach sikkim.. But that place had some immense scenic beauty I had ever seen in my life.The river along side us that was full up to the brim was more bluer than the color itself that I have ever seen.And the mountains sculpted around it. I was stuck.I could feel the depth in my eyes like that of a newborn has when it opens it’s eyes for the first time. My camera tried it’s best to capture the rawness of beauty exhibited by that place. But it simply couldn’t.
I wanted to spend some more time in the highway but it was getting dark. So I bid farewell and set out again for the journey to sikkim.
I was confused what kind of weed is fresh air.which instantly calms my senses. Making me revere my own existence in this world.
There were small lights glowing in the mountains from people’s homes. Crickets chirping. Cold air was blowing at my face while driving. I didn’t wanted to turn on the music. Be distracted by thoughts. I wanted to take it all in. To be one with the place. I reached Gangtok at around 8 pm in the evening.
I checked into my hotel and went to the room. Lying in the bed I was wondering what tomorrow holds as
You can plan a trip but not a Journey.
As a child I read in books that a rooster wakes up the whole village. It might seem funny That in the dawn a rooster woke me up faster than a alarm clock. I guess it’s a effective way because you can’t turn it off. I opened my window to get glimpse outside. The red skies and the green mountains reminded me of those English poets that I used to read in school whom I couldn’t relate to as a kid. Yet now I know.
I ate breakfast and took off to call my agent about the booked vehicle. I had to set off towards north sikkim today to be able explore some spots by tomorrow. Soon enough I got my car arranged. And I left for place called Lachung in North Sikkim.
I was well accompanied by mountain, streams, vast skies and dangerous roads. Yes, The road to lachung is one of the most dangerous roads in the world. You will come to know that steering might be in your hand but the baton is in the hand of God.
Himalayas which is the highest range in the world was beside me which wrapped the clouds around it like shawl in winter.
I reached lachung after seven hours drive I was tired but not exhausted. It was different than the city where even a one hour drive makes my head hurt.
It was cold around. Temperature dropped below 0 degrees at night. My chattering teeth made it clear that I was in the Himalayas.
A bonfire and a drink is what made my night special.
Early chilly morning in that village where we stayed was a sight to behold. The Rocky mountains of night tucked there peaks with snow in morning. The scenery here was different. It showed the beautiful but ruthless winter that made trees look withered unlike earlier where everything was lush green.
I had some tea before leaving for Yumesdong. The place where I was meant to go. I didn’t have complete layers to fight the cold. But the excitement helped me to keep me warm. Then we all set off towards yumesdong Valley.
Those roads made me wanna be free as those gypsies who are too wild to tame. From a height those roads seemed like a serpent wrapped around the mountains. With leaves turning orange mountains blue and white my camera was overwhelmed with such vivid colors. When we reached yumesdong. It seemed like arctic with no trees or a person as far as eyes can reach.
Rocks snow and streams engulfed the region . Living in the tropical regions I didn’t really knew what harsh winters looked like.
Yet there were those purple flowers blooming as the ray hope. Teaching us the nature of life. Existence and struggle.
I was heavily panting due to low oxygen in those altitudes yet I was not ready to leave. But had to because no matter how beautiful it is, it still is a inhospitable place. So We had to take our leave keeping vivid live images in our minds.
After that I left for gangtok embarking my return journey. Thinking if only I could have been a explorer like those in the old days. Every day a new page every month a new chapter. Every year a new book. Well no matter how good a phase is it has to end and the new one has to be begin. I bid sikkim farewell.
Frozen lake of gurudongmar